Existential well being

Western culture focuses on happiness although human beings look for a sense in life, for which they are willing to sacrifice happiness. 

Our society highly values materialism which causes prosperity diseases and a diminution of happiness and preaches perfectionism which causes a focus on lacks instead of positive aspects. 

We need to let go of the fixed idea of a perfect life to be able to experience existential reality. Existential well being increases when we create an environment that values natural talents in stead of demanding the unrealisable.

Subjective wellbeing is based on the hedonist approach of satisfaction and happiness whilst eudaimonia focuses on the goal in life and self realisation. 

Professor in psychology Mia Leijssen describes existential wellbeing as playing with the dimensions of existence. Empathy, autonomy, freedom of choice and meaningful connections with others are crucial elements of existential meaning. 

Leijssens work emphasizes the role of love, that benefits the social, physical, personal and spiritual dimensions of existence, which are essential for existential well being.(Leijssen 2013)

Love influences health. Human beings are naturally directed towards others, towards being appreciated and loved. 

We can not survive without others: we need to mean something to them. The harmonious combination of love and knowledge enables people to deal with situations in an appropriate way.

Gratitude, joy and wonder are mostly experienced in life threatening situations or during negative experiences. Gratitude, the attitude of feeling blessed, is closely connected to appreciation, the cognitive recognition of value. 

The personal dimension:

Loving, friendly, non critical self reflection is present in the personal dimension of authentic self knowledge. Compassion and self acceptation lead to forgivingness and optimism in case of difficulties. 

A sense of inferiority is the main threat of self respect. 

The basis of each healing process is self love, the cultivation of positive feelings towards oneself. Self love is a condition for authentic love towards others and the exploration of the world. 

Provided that one reflects and accepts oneself, it is possible to feel lonely in a positive way, in contrast with the intrapersonal loneliness characterized by self alienation and dependence of others' judgment.

The social dimension:

The social dimension concerns the non judgmental connection with others.

Empathy is a bare necessity in the social dimension in order to experience authentic attachment relationships and to accomplish a healthy development. Compassion, between empathy and altruism, is essential to feel others' situations with the intent to help.

The physical dimension:

The physical dimension contains elements as the love for the body, nature, vitality and comfort. A healthy eating pattern, exercise and the acknowledgment of the boundaries of the body are useful to feel good.

The spiritual dimension:

The soulful spiritual dimension is characterized by life questions and values as truth and wisdom. The dimension helps us to see our individual existence in a broad context to surpass self interest.

Wise individuals are marked by empathy, emotional concern, listening skills, self knowledge, the realisation of one's limitations, righteousness, tolerance,  a non selfish life orientation, insights in human interactions, openness towards new experiences and values aimed at insight, personal development and social engagement.

A peaceful mind is able to stop constant thought, to observe signals without any judgment. Existential well being is to be found and accomplished in human hope and buoyancy. 

It all starts with love. Time to reflect and ask yourself how you love in life.

http://ppw.kuleuven.be/home/onderzoek/klip/medewerkers/leijssen/mia-leijssen

Free course in existential wellbeing:

https://www.edx.org/course/existential-well-being-counseling-person-kuleuvenx-ewbcx

Virtues

True love is hard to find, just let it find you Reflections on love

Love... the deepest emotion in life, laying warm foundations for the richest form of human relationships. That beautiful mental and physical connection, that much sought after utter unity. That genuine joy in life putting a smile on your face...


Common and Erykah Badu The Light: It's love every time I think about your smile. Anytime I need you by my side you'll be there for me. Whenever I got lonely or needed some advice, he gave me his shoulder, his words were very nice.


Until recently authors, poets and philosophers wrote about love, depicting romantic love as a whirlwind of emotions, passion, fear and jealousy. An exact definition of love is very hard to accomplish. 


The simplest definition could be Robert Heinlein's in the cult classic Stranger in a strange land: love is the condition in which the other's happiness is essential to your own.


Scientific research on the subject has grown tremendously over the last decades. It revealed the importance of love in child development and adult health. The first relationship with the mother is a blueprint for the following ones. Severely psychologically or emotionally damaged people are unable to experience healthy, independent love. 


Psychologists and scientists study the subject of love pragmatically, defining it as an intense affection or preference for someone, so strong that it colors one's perception and conduct. 


A Tribe called Quest Common Ground: Have u ever met a woman who just took ur breath? So deep inside her life, she contemplated death. Can't help to get attached to a woman like that. 


According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield love can be divided into two basic types: compassionate and passionate love. 
The compassionate type is characterized by attachment, affection and trust. Usually developed out of feelings of mutual respect and understanding, this type assures an enduring relationship whereas the intense emotions, anxiety and sexual attraction of passionate love are transitory, usually lasting between six and thirty months. 


A good, lively relationship is based on trust and intimacy. 
Genuine loving intimacy depends on the personal ideas on love and the notion that love develops. Intimacy is characterized by the elements of 
care, share, trust, commitment, honesty, empathy and tenderness. 


Angie Stone The ingredients of love: How do we make love and what's it truly made of. Gimme an ounce of some honesty, some innocence and a cup of loyalty. At least a pound of conversation. Some attention when it comes to relation. Want I want is a liter of respect and a damn good listener.


Reciprocal care or the intensity of positive feelings towards each other is only to be found when two people openly share positive and negative feelings, thoughts, desires and needs with each other and interact. This frankness in sharing is essential for intimacy's growth in a warm enduring relationship. Trust, honesty and empathy are indispensable ingredients in this process of self revelation. 
Caring, sharing and trust lead to commitment. Verbal and physical expressions of tenderness are the most neglected aspects of intimacy.


Masters & Johnson (on sex and human loving 1982) explained that respect enables us to appreciate the other's identity, essential for the long duration of a relationship. Sexuality is another important factor to keep a relationship lively and fascinating. 


Dwele What's not to love about you: Everyday I find more reasons to. It's your inner beauty that's always shining through. With you I can always be myself. It's something that I never felt.


Talib Kweli Never been in love: First time I let her in my bed she got wetter than the perfect storm. Gave the rest a try now give the best a try.


In The art of loving(1956) Erich Fromm wrote that love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. 
Love is an art, just as living is. It requires effort and knowledge.
Fromm believed that self-realization is a necessary condition to attain meaningful love. He defined mature love as a union of two individuals keeping their integrity and individuality. Become one and stay two.  


Jill Scott He loves me: You got me feeling like the breeze, easy and free, and lovely, and me


The Light: I ain't the type to walk around with matching shirts. A relationship is effort, I'll match your work. I wanna be the one to make you the happiest.


Why do we love? 
Because love makes sense. 
Because it brings out the best in us. 


That's love..
Article written by Ann Timmermans